woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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