Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
