I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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