A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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