Yo dont text me then not text me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
