Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
