just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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