Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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