billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize