Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
