Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
