Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
