There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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