He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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