Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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