I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
