Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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