What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
