I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
