And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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