Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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