Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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