You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
