I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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