did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
