We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
