Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
