The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
