don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
