walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
