it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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