There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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