Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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