I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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