I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
