Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
