i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
