the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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