May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
