I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
