If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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