Just cropdusted the office
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
