can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
