Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
