I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
BRING THE BAGELS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
