The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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