he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
