I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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