Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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