The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
