yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize