guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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