I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
