you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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