so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
