watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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