I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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