Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
