i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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