i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
