Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
