marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
