I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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