A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
