i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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