did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
