Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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