you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
