I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
