Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
