I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
