operation have a gay friend backfired
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
