I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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