eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
