I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We are two peas in an std pod
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
