I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
