I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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